


Love letters

by Thatoneweirdenby



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Issues, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has PTSD, Aromantic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Asexual Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Asexual Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Asexual Logic | Logan Sanders, Autistic Logic | Logan Sanders, Bisexual Dr. Emile Picani, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Has ADHD, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Has Issues, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Deceit | Janus Sanders Has Vitiligo, Demiromantic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Gay Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Gay Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Gay Logic | Logan Sanders, Genderfluid Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, How Do I Tag, Human AU, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Logic | Logan Sanders Has ADHD, Logic | Logan Sanders Has Feelings, Logic | Logan Sanders Has Issues, Lots of it, M/M, Nonbinary Deceit | Janus Sanders, Nonbinary Logic | Logan Sanders, Nonbinary Sleep | Remy Sanders, Pansexual Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Pansexual Remy | Sleep Sanders, Past Rape/Non-con, Polysexual Deceit | Janus Sanders, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Trans Dr. Emile Picani, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trauma, Unsympathetic Thomas Sanders, angst but it gets better, but like, i’ll tag as i go, trauma recover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:28:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25995229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatoneweirdenby/pseuds/Thatoneweirdenby
Summary: Roman starts writing love letters to his crush, not expecting to receive any letters back. Yet, he does. Whilst dealing with the crap in his life he tries to manage this friendship turned relationship eventually.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Comments: 18
Kudos: 32





	1. Brotherly bonding and letter writing

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so uh I hope you enjoy this is my first story being posted here

Roman sat at his desk, staring down at his still entirely empty paper. He huffed out a dramatic sigh as he tapped his pen impatiently against the desk he was working at. He heard the soft creak of the door opening, usually he wouldn’t hear it over his loud musicals or tv shows playing in the background. But right now the room was oddly silent. He looked over and spied his brother, Virgil, in the doorway. Odd.

“Hey, Virge! Something up?” Virgil shrugs, biting his lip as he anxiously fiddled with the oversized sleeves of his purple patchwork hoodie. The hoodie hid everything Virgil wanted to pretend he didn’t have. The things that made him all too feminine. Provided him a feeling of warmth and safety. Hiding himself away from prying eyes.

“Bad day... I tried asking Re for help, but he was too busy... he got angry and snapped, he apologised after, though...” Roman nods, flashing his brother a reassuring smile. He pulled out a seat for his brother, patting it.

“Sit, I’m just working on the letter for Logan I told you about. Actually, not working on it so much as staring at it. I haven’t written anything, yet.” Virgil giggles, cringing at how feminine and high his voice sounded.

  
“I never would’ve guessed someone like you would like someone like Logan. But still, that’s so cute! You like him~!” Virgil said that last bit in a sign-song voice. Roman huffs out a soft laugh and responds to the statement with a nod. Virgil sits down and Roman ruffles his hair with a chuckle. He draws his hand back quickly to dodge Virgil’s cat like swats.

“Dork.” Virgil pouts and sticks his tongue out. Roman turns his attention back to his still empty paper and lets out a loud groan. He drags his hands down his face ever so dramatically.

“What should I write, V?!”

“Well his name, for a start.”

  
“Oh, you know that’s not what I meant!”

  
“Whatever, just shut up and write, weirdo.”

“Alright, alright! Jeez!”

So Roman starts writing, just whatever comes to his mind. He loses control as his hand works its way across the paper. He pays no attention, just letting it happen.

‘My dearest, owl  
Hello. I know that you have no idea who I am, but I also know for a fact that you know exactly who Virgil Prince is. Oh, who am I kidding, of course you do. You guys are best friends, after all. How do I know all this, you may be asking. Oh, well, simple! I know Virgil as well, quite well if I do say so myself. I am writing this letter today to tell you something. Something I’ve kept secret for a long time. Well, I have feelings for you, Logan Picani. But, because I haven’t yet told you who am (despite popular belief and the mask of a persona I put up everyday I am not very confident, or at least I don’t believe I am, and certainly not confident enough to tell you who I am nor talk to you face to face) that means you cannot tell me if you can reciprocate the feelings I have for you. I doubt you do, I mean, who on earth would love a gay slut (so everyone says) like me after all. But that’s not why I’m writing this to you. I am not writing to ask you if you reciprocate the feelings and have a magical fairy tale ending (whilst I do enjoy a god fairy tale ending). I am writing this simply to ask to be your friend. I want to get to know you better and I want you to get to know me better. I know that you and Virgil prefer your small little friend group (he talks about you a lot, like, a lot). So you and I have never talked face to face, and we probably won’t talk face to face for quite a while. Unless you have already found out who I am and approach me after you read this letter. But you’re a very oblivious person, so I doubt that will happen. I mean no offence by that. I hope that you write me back and we can become friends, proper friends and only friends. At least for now. If you do so wish to get a letter to me just ask Virgil. He knows who I am and agreed to be messenger for you to me. No, don’t think that he will reveal who I am. He respects my privacy and promised that he wouldn’t do so until I was ready (a very Virgil thing to promise). Well anyway, this letter is getting long and I am running out of space to write. I really do hope that you write me back, eventually.  
Your dearest Lion.’

  
Roman quickly snapped out of the trace, reading the letter with a smile.

  
“Awe, that’s so cute!” Roman whips his head to face Virgil so fast that it physically hurts his neck.

  
“You read it?!”

  
“Of course I read it, gives me some blackmail material-“ Roman knew his brother didn’t mean that, of course. Roman already had private things leaked to the world. “-Plus, I’m you’re brother. Lets be honest, what exactly did you expect?” Roman sticks his tongue out at the boy.

  
“Rude! Maybe you should write a letter to Patton, since you’re too nervous to speak to him face to face.” Virgil scoffs and rolls his eyes.

  
“I-“ he gestures to himself. “-Am unfortunate enough to have an anxiety disorder, thank you very much. Plus, it’s like super weird that I have a crush on him!”

  
“Well, why on earth is it so weird?”

  
“He’s my brothers best friend! And he’s your crushes brother! Plus, he is so convinced I’m a regular Cis gay guy. What on earth will happen when he finds out I’m a transgender male and a sex repulsed asexual! He’s going to think that I’m a huge freak, like everyone else does!”

  
“Virgil, c’mon, let’s think logically here. Have you met Patton? He’s literally the last person who will judge you. First of all, I am also a sex repulsed asexual. I’ve been out to him since I first found out. And, not to mention, Logan is AFAB nonbinary and also a sex repulsed asexual. They’ve been out to Patton for so long and yet Patton still loves them more than anything. Plus, he’s been with me since the start of my recovery. If he didn’t judge me for what happened, then he won’t judge you for your identity.”

“I mean... yeah, that’s true... I guess...” Roman waves his hand around, as if to say that he was going to change the topic.

“We can think about all that later on, when the time comes! Let’s go check if mamá needs any last help with dinner before papá gets home!”


	2. Outta the house

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down.
> 
> TW: Abuse mentions, misgendering, deadnaming, use of slurs (faggot, slut). You have been warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to Ro and Jan's playlist while writing this. Also we have mufti tomorrow and I'm going as Roman, wish me luck my whole school will judge me. My partner was being a sweetheart but stillll- My school already judges me enough. Sorry, I'll stop. Onto the chapter.

Virgil shivers at the mention of his father. He dreaded seeing his father at dinner that night. He had just returned from a ‘business trip’ (an excuse to cheat on his wife, though he’d never admit it, but his kids knew). Virgil jumps when a hand lands softly on his shoulder.

“Right, forgot about our touching rule. You know I’ll protect you, right?” Virgil had tears in his eyes and shot up so fast in his seat Roman can only watch as the chair toppled over. Important piece of information, he has borderline personality disorder, so when he lashes out it’s not his fault most of the time.

“Yeah, because you’ve been so good at that in the past, right?” Roman feels a pang of pain and guilt at his brother's words. He knew Virgil didn’t mean what he was saying, but it _hurt_ and Roman knew why. Because it was true. They had never noticed, of all people, Roman _should’ve_ noticed. But he didn’t. When they asked they never pushed Virgil to tell, which was a bad decision.

“Virge, you don’t mean that. You didn't tell us. Yes, we never pushed you to tell because we were idiots, for that we are truly sorry.” Virgil scoffs.

“Yeah, whatever. You say that..” Ouch.

“No, I mean that. Do you just want me to leave until you calm down?” Roman knew Virgil preferred to be around people, especially his siblings, but it was best to ask. Virgil shook his head, which Roman was expecting.

“N-no… please stay…” Roman nods, he picks Virgil up and lays down on bed with him.

“Want to watch a movie until dinner?” Virgil nods and Roman puts on The Nightmare Before Christmas. Virgil and Roman always watched this movie together, it was their movie. Though they always bickered with people over whether it was a halloween or a christmas movie. They both say halloween.

Then their mum calls them down for dinner, Virgil is so nervous Roman practically has to drag him down the stairs.

“It’s nice to see you all again. Remus, Roman, Rebecca, Renee.” Virgil and Remy flinch when they hear their deadnames. Virgil doesn’t catch his father's wink but Roman does.

“I swear to whatever god is out there if you lay a goddamn hand on him I will take it upon myslef to _fucking kill you_ , got it?”

“Don’t speak to me that way, slut.”

“Don’t call me a slut, dickhead. You abuse your children and cheat on your wife! Who gives a shit what you think?” Their mother wasn’t here and Roman was letting out all the anger that had been festering for months. His head snaps to the side when his dad slaps him and tears stream rapidly down his face.

“Crybaby faggot. I can’t believe you let Rebecca and Renee infect you, disgusting honestly.” Roman’s sadness dissipates and is replaced with only anger.

“Don’t call me a faggot, I’m not a cigarette.” That response earns laughs from his siblings. “Also, crying doesn’t make me gay, everyone cries. You’ve cried, I’ve never seen you cry because you’re a heartless bitch, but I know you have. _Virgil_ \- that’s _his_ name now by the way, but I know _he’s_ already told you that- didn’t do anything. I was panromantic asexual before _he_ came out and I’m panromantic asexual now. Same goes for _Remy, they_ have nothing to do with my sexuality.” Roman was purposefully emphasising the correct name and pronouns for his siblings.

“That isn't real! You’re just a faggot and making things up to be special and be like your sister!”

  
“They aren’t my sisters! It’s not made up! My crush is nonbinary and I love them more than anything!” Roman’s hand flies to his mouth, he’d never said that before. But that was the truth of it all wasn’t it? Roman was so hopelessly in love with Logan. His head quickly snapped to the side once more as he was slapped again. He was crying once more.

“Get. The. Fuck. Out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, don't kill me.
> 
> Also I have another story I'm writing where some shit happens to Logan, I want to know, do you want to see the backstory be posted first or the actual story and then the backstory after? Lemme know in the comments, also lemme know if you wanna know what it's about.


	3. Find somewhere to go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The siblings find somewhere to stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I know I posted yesterday but likeeee- this chapter is more fluffy, with slight angst. That may or may not be because some Roman angst is coming up in a few chapters- ANYWAY-
> 
> TW: Misgendering, deadnaming, mentions of abuse, mentions of father flirting with his child, slurs (Slut, faggot), mentions of swords, mentions of death threats, lemme know if I missed any!

Their father's gaze held pure anger. “Roman and Renee get the hell out! As for you two-” He gestures to Remy and Remus. “-Well what about you two? Are you normal or just faggots?” Remy is the first to speak up. “If they go, I go.” Remus nods in agreement.

“I’m not leaving them, triplets stick together, after all.” Their father rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, disgusting freaks, leave, see if I care. Just pack your shit and get out, I never want to see your disgusting faces again. Leave. NOW!” Virgil and Roman both flinch at the yelling and they all run upstairs. 

That’s where all their rooms are, expect Virgil, who sleeps in the basement. But he has a duffle bag of masculine clothes hidden away in Roman and Remus’ shared room. Just so his father doesn’t find out. Last time he did it… didn’t go particularly well… They all collect their stuff in bags. Remy found all their too small binders, they had kept them hidden but Emile and Janus were always buying them new binders when theirs got too small. They give all their too small binders to Virgil.

After they packed everything they thought they might need, they left.They left with no idea where they were going to go.

Eventually they reach a park, taking seats on the bench, Remy pulls out their phone. They send a quick text to the group chat they shared with their partners.

R: Hey, loves.

Sent at 6:58pm

J: Remy? Aren’t you having dinner, sweetheart?

Sent at 6:58pm

E: Yeah, Angel is right, you _never_ text us during dinner, butterfly.

Sent at 6:59pm

Remy can hear who they assume is Remus snickering. Their eyes never leave their phone as they elbow him.

R: Yeah… so… about that… you guys don’t happen to have somewhere four people could stay, right…?

Sent at 7:03pm

E: We do! At our house!

Sent at 7:03pm

J: Hang on, what four people and why? Are you at home right now, buttercup?

Sent at 7:04pm

R: Me, Virgil, Remus and Roman. We… kinda… sorta… got kicked out. Nah… we’re all at the park.

Sent at 7:05pm

J: Oh, love, that’s terrible! Stay put.

Sent at 7:06pm

E: We’re on our way to come get you all!

Sent at 7:07pm

Remy smiles softly, that cheesy, lovesick smile. “Guys?” The three triplets turn to look at their sibling. Virgil and Roman both had red bloodshot and puffy eyes. It was easy to tell they had both been crying. Virgil possibly had, or is having, a panic attack.

“So you remember Janus and Emile? My partners?” The other three all nod simultaneously. “We’re staying with them for a while, until we get this whole thing figured out that is. They’re coming to pick us up now.” Roman smiles, he’d been around his siblings partners the most. Though they’d all been around the lovebirds at least once.

“They’re both sweethearts.”

Five minutes later a car pulls up near the group of siblings. It freaks Virgil out but Roman quickly calms him and convinces him to hop in the car. Roman sits in the middle to keep Virgil calm. Virgil on his left and Remus on his right. They sit in the back, or as Roman has dubbed it, the back-back. Remy sits in the seat behind Emile, holding Janus’ hand through the seats.

“What happened?” Emile asks, speaking first.

“Can I answer, guys?” Words of agreements come from Remy’s siblings.

“Well… our dad deadnamed and misgendered me and Virgil. And was flirting with Virgil.” Remy notices the shocked and disgusted faces of his partners. “Yes, flirting. Roman told him that if he did anything he would kill him.” That earns a laugh from Janus.

“Good job, kid!” Roman smiles wide, appreciating the validation.

“I own swords!” Emile gasps, removing one hand from the steering wheel to gently smack Janus’ arm.

“Janus! Don’t encourage him!” Emile shrieks, cringing inwardly at how high his voice goes.

“Oh, c’mon, Em. The kid _already_ owns swords!” Remy chuckles and rolls his eyes, waving his hand around.

“Anyway, Roman gets called a slut and stands up for himself. He gets slapped, and then gets called a, and I quote, ‘Crybaby faggot’. So he snaps and gets slapped again. Our father tells Roman and Virgil to get out and me and Remus said if they leave we are too. And, well, here we are!’

“That’s so terrible! How could a father treat his own children like that!” Janus snapped and Virgil flinched.

“Careful, Jan.” Janus nods.

“Sorry.”

“You should move in!” Emile squeals. “You can live with me and Janus and my siblings!” Virgil’s eyes widen.

“Wait, wait. So you have four guests rooms and yet the whole Picani family still lives together? And Janus?”

“Well, yeah. Our parents are successful business women. So our house is quite large.”

“Oh, yeah, forgot about that…”

“Nah, it’s fine. They don’t exactly look like successful business women, and they’re happily married lesbians, so there’s that…” Remy speaks up to tease their siblings.

“Excited to be moving in with your crushes Ro and Virge?”


	4. New home, who dis?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm before the storm.
> 
> Cecily doesn't know when to shut her mouth my god-

Virgil squeaks, cringing at how high his voice goes when he does so. Both boys in mention blush and Janus whistles loudly. That makes them blush even more.

“Rem!” Virgil squeaks out softly. God why did his voice have to be so high, he hated it. He wished he could just have a naturally deep voice.

“Wait just a diddly darn second-” Emile speaks up, shocked by the information he had just been told. “You’re crushing on my siblings?!” Remus is smirking, being aro really did have its perks. Virgil and Roman were both bright red by now and Remus laughed.

“Why on earth are you laughing, Remus?” Janus asks, which makes Remus laugh even more.

“I’m aromantic, I’m not opposed to romantic relationships it’s just… y’know not my thing…” Janus nods.

“Nice, I’m demiromantic.” Remus smiles at the validation, people usually didn’t react well to him being aromantic.

“Lucky for us we’ve all been best friends since childhood, so asking you out was easy!”

“Also, like the dumbass you are, you’re a huge fucking flirt.” Remy laughs at Janus’ comment.

“Yeah, but you love it.”

“Of course we do! We love everything about you, babe!” Emile cuts into the conversation.

“God, you guys need to just get married already!” Remy and Janus both blush and sputter at Virgil’s comment, the boy in mention just laughing. Emile also laughs and smirks.

“Oh we will, trust me.” He winks.

“Wow, who woulda known pastel boy is top?” Remus laughs.  
  


“shUT UP!” Remy squeals. Conversations like this continue for the rest of the car ride. The siblings laughing and teasing each other while the others in the front chime in with their own opinions. It’s all in good fun and eventually they arrive at the Picani family household.

It’s big, but it’s cozy and a very nice house. They even have pride flags around, which makes the three boys (Remy comes over all the time, they’re not surprised, though they were at first) light up with joy. “Glad to see you're excited!” Janus speaks up. “Just a fair warning, Emile’s mum is a little, uh…”

“She’s eccentric! Like Roman!” Emile cuts in. Roman gasps in mock offence, slapping a hand to his chest. Emile laughs a little at that and gestures to Roman.

“Exactly, now let’s go!” The group heads inside. Emile smiles when he sees his mum standing in the hallway.

“Mamá!” She turns to him and smiles.

“Emile, Janus, estás en casa. Oh, y compraste Remy contigo. Nice to see you again, dear!” Remy smiles and nods.

“You, too, ma’am.” She waves her hand around.

“Oh, no, no, no! How many times have I told you? Jasmine will do just fine!” At this point Virgil was clinging to Remus’ arm, Remus stood in front of his younger brother in a protective stance. Roman was shifting anxiously from foot to foot.

“You guys don’t have to be scared!” Emile grins at the boys.

“You say that like it’s easy… it's not as easy as it seems… Virgil and Roman have both been through a lot… Remus is very protective over both of them… As am I.”

“That’s fine, but I can assure my parents are very kind people, don’t worry!” As if right on cue, Emile’s mum struts in, does a spin and poses her hands in that classic Roman way.

“You called?” Her voice was quite loud, not shouting, but her voice projects and carries well. Virgil flinches and clings tighter to Remus. Remus holds him close, playing with his hair to calm him down.

“I’m sorry if I come off as rude, ma’am-”

“Ah, ah, before you continue that thought, call me Cecily.”

“-Er, alright, Cecily. My apologies if I come off as rude at all. But my brothers, Roman and Virgil-” They point to the boys in mention when they say their names. Both boys were shaking. “-Are very, uh, how should I say this. Well, they’ve been through a lot. They both have PTSD and because of that certain things trigger them. I just wanted to ask that you be a little… calmer, please. Again, I have no intent to come off as rude or anything.”

Cecily fiddles with her hands, she looks how she feels, guilty for her usual dramatic entrance. Most days Roman would love a good dramatic entrance, but after everything with his dad he was just a bit on edge at the moment.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Roman waves his hand dismissevly.

“It’s alright, ma’am-”

“Cecily.”

“-Cecily. We know you meant no harm. Plus, before everything, I was in my school's drama club. Most days I enjoy a good dramatic entrance.”

“Oh? I also did drama in my highschool days. Why ever did you stop?” Roman sighs and runs a hand through his hair. The other three siblings shared nervous glances. They can only hope their brother would be okay thinking of… him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry in advance-
> 
> I'm sorry Roman and Thomas (You'll see what I mean next chapter don't worry)
> 
> Be perpared for Roman angst next chapter I'm sorry-


	5. Uh oh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Roman-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a longer chapter, I just got excited! And if you think this is bad, trust me, it gets worse.

The boy that had harmed Roman more than was imaginable. They had been in the drama club together, that was how they had met, after all. But after the restraining order was filed he had to leave the club. It was him or it was Thomas and even if Thomas had done bad things Roman still loved him.

At least back then, he did… So he decided Thomas needed at least something good in his life. Acting happened to be that something. Sure, he was still popular. Sure, only Roman knew the truth of what he’d done. But still. 

It didn’t take his other club members very long to connect the dots and figure it all out after Roman stopped showing up. They were sympathetic of his situation and understood why he could no longer attend. Though Thomas’ reputation with the drama kids was never quite the same.

“Ah… well I had some issues with one of the other boys that attends, was all. I stopped going more so for my physical and mental health than anything.”  
  


“Is that so? What kind of issues?” Emile sighed. His mother was ever the curious woman.

“Mum… please, stop… this is a sensitive topic for Roman, please stop asking about it…” Roman mouthed ‘Thank you’ to Emile. The latter simply smiled and nodded.

“Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t know! My sincerest apologies!”

“Oh, no worries, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. I am truly sorry for prying into such a sensitive matter. That was wrong of me, I should know better.”

“Ma’am, honestly, it’s not even that big of a deal.”

“Cecily, not ma’am. I have a tendency to pry, but that is no excuse. I have one last question for all of you. What pronouns do you all use? I know your older sibling, Remy, uses they/them. So I wish not to disrespect you by using the incorrect pronouns.” Virgil’s face lights up noticeably. So he’s the first to speak up.

“Uh… I prefer, uh, prefer he/him… But I’m not e-entirely opposed to they/them… he/him just works, uh, works best for me…”

“Alright! So, he/him pronouns for Virgil, got it! So is that the same for the both of you?” Roman nods.

“Yup! He/him, though if you want, they/them also works!”

“I use any pronouns. Some days I have a preference and other days I really just don’t care. Today is one of those ‘I don’t care days’, I’ll be sure to update you if that changes.” She nods and smiles.

“Alrighty! You guys want to help me, Patton and Emile with cookies and cupcakes?”

“God, you really are their mother.” Remy mumbles under their breath. She doesn’t seem to hear.

“Also, Janus, no eating the batter! We don’t want you getting sick! You’ve already had that happen once!” Janus laughs.

“Alright, sorry. Of course I’ll help my wonderful boyfriend and his equally wonderful mother in the kitchen.” Emile chuckles and elbows Janus. Janus chuckles, winces and pushes Emile’s arm away from them. They both laugh.

Remy lightly shoves Virgil forward. “Go on, Virge!” They whisper, making sure that it’s only Virgil that can hear them. “Well I simply can’t leave my beautiful partners to do all the work, can I?”

“You’ve been spending too much time with Ro.” Virgil mumbles.

“Hey!” Roman squeaks. “Is that an insult or a compliment?” Virgil shrugs, which leads to Roman letting out a sputter of offended noises.

“Don’t worry, Princey, I love you.”

“Love you, too, dark and gloomy. But just because I happen to be playing a prince in the newest play doesn’t mean you can call me that!” Patton comes skipping out of the kitchen, giggling. Logan trails behind, covered head-to-toe in flour. Except his glasses, which were spotless. He cleaned them, no doubt. Patton spots Roman and runs over, hugging him tightly.

“Ro! Why are you here? Does this have something to do with why Em and Jan suddenly ran off?”

“Yeah… kinda… we… got kicked out of our house… Rems texted Em and Jan in their groupchat… they came and picked us up and here we are…” Patton’s eyes widened and he gasped.

“Goodness! That’s terrible! At least I get to stay with my best friend, though. Actually, how have you been, after… y’know…” Roman’s smile quickly drops. Right… he forgot that Patton was the one who had found him that day.

“Patton, it's been ages. He isn’t allowed around me anymore, I’m fine…”

“It hasn’t been ages, it’s been a month! People need time to recover! Plus, who says he won’t break the restraining order, you never know.”

“No, he’s too kind for that. He’s a good person, Patton.”

“Bullshit.” Virgil speaks up now.

“He is!” Logan and his mothers share concerned glances, all very confused about the situation. Who were they talking about? What had this person done to Roman a month ago?

“He’s toxic as shit and you know it.” Patton huffs out, which makes Roman’s eyes widen. He hadn’t heard Patton swear since, well… that.

“Well it doesn’t matter anymore, we broke up and he’s not even allowed in the same room as me.” That was when it dawned on Logan who, exactly, they were talking about.

“Thomas was toxic…?” They ask softly. “Wait- If it makes you uncomfortable, don’t answer…”

Roman and Patton speak at the same time.

“No!”  
“Yes!” Patton turns to Roman with a sigh and the latter gives in.

“Fine… yes, he was toxic…”

“What…?” You see, Thomas and Logan had been friends once. Up until a little while ago, they simply fell out of contact after Roman and Thomas started dating. Which didn’t exactly upset Logan, he has other friends.

“You guys were friends, right…?” Logan nods. “I’m glad you don’t talk anymore, he was…”

“An asshole, he was an asshole.”

“Yeah, that…” Logan sighs a little.

“He was nice when we were friends…”

“I thought the same, then he…”

“He?”

“Sorry… It’s a sensitive topic… It was only a month ago so PTSD and stuff…”

“It must be really bad if you have PTSD.” Roman nods numbly.

“It was, what he did really hurt me…” Realisation dawned on Logan. His eyes widened.

“The photos…”


	6. Uh oh times 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY ROMAN-
> 
> TW: Past rape/non-con, flashbacks, victim blaming, defending of abuser, PTSD, mentions of rape/non-con, past abuse, mentions of abuse, caring about abuser, blaming oneself for abuse

Realisation dawned on Logan. “Those horrible disgusting ones. He did all those horrible things to you and posted photos of the aftermath. Then he spread those rumours about you.” Roman nods numbly to confirm Logan’s suspicions. “That bastard!”

“No, he’s a good person, I swear!”

“NO HE’S NOT!” Roman flinches noticeably and backs up. His back hits the counter and he yelps. What was going on?

He couldn’t be back here, no no no nononono. Yet Thomas was there, standing in front of him. Wearing a smirk only people with bad intentions could master. “Please…” He whispers softly, only earning a laugh in response from his boyfriend, ex boyfriend?

“Awe, Pretty boy… so fragile, I wonder what you’ll be like after I break you, hmm?”

“No! Please, don’t!” Roman’s pleads fell on deaf ears.

“How, exactly, are you going to stop me?” Roman didn’t know the answer to that question. Sure, maybe he was generally stronger than Thomas. But right now he felt small, weak, fragile. Even if he tried to fight back, it wouldn’t work. He knew it wouldn’t and so did Thomas.

“Please, I thought you loved me…”

“Exactly, you _can’t_ stop me, you love me too much to even try. That’s your weakness.” Thomas walked forward, there was nowhere for Roman to go. He was trapped. Thomas looked like a predator stalking its prey.

Roman didn’t know what to do except plead. “Thomas! Please! I don’t wanna hurt you, just, please!”

“You know pleading will get you nowhere, right? No one can hear you, only the drama club is still here and they’re too busy working on the play. No one will come get you. You’re alone. Not like anyone cares. I’m the only one who would ever love a slut like you, anyway.”

“T-that’s not true, right? Please, tell me that’s not true!”

“Oh, but Roro, it is true~ I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Thomas grabs Roman by the waist, pulling him close. He places a soft, chaste kiss to his boyfriend's lips. But Roman only thrashes in his arms. Trying to squirm away, to push him off.

Then Thomas is kissing him and sliding a hand up his shirt and he doesn’t know what to do. He just wants to get away, oh god why won’t Thomas just let him go. Didn’t Thomas love him? Why was he doing this? Why wouldn’t he stop?

“Stop! Just stop! Get your hands off me!” Roman struggled and pushed but his whole body felt like lead. He couldn’t do anything. He was trapped. Hands, he could feel them everywhere. He slipped away from his body and into his mind.

Maybe if he was absent in mind it wouldn’t be so bad. He could still feel it, feel the hands. But it fell on deaf ears, or deaf mind, as better put. He went limp in Thomas’s arms. Yes, maybe that made it easier for Thomas. He didn’t care anymore.

Hands, roaming. Up his shirt, down his legs. He just wanted everything to stop. But he knew he couldn’t do anything, why even bother. He felt his shirt coming off and he tensed. No, no, no. This wasn’t really happening, right? He was just dreaming. Yeah, that was it.

He could hear voices, faint, far off. But it wasn’t Thomas and it wasn’t him. It was… Patton?

“Hey, Roy. Look, you’re safe. It’s just me, your family and my family. Everything is safe.” The voice was muffled, like he was listening from underwater. But he could still hear it. Thomas’s voice came through to counter Patton’s.

“Pathetic slut. Letting me have full control. You want this, don’t you? You just lied about being ace for attention. You aren’t _actually_ ace.” Roman shook his head. He could feel someone grabbing his hands, he flinched away. Before he recognised the familiar warmth. Patton. He was safe, he was okay. Right?

The memory began to fade as he slipped back into his body and back into reality. Through the blurs of his tears he could see Patton there, in front of him. Virgil, Logan, Remy, Remus, Emile and Janus were all there, too. Virgil on his left, Remus on his right, Logan standing shocked in front of him but behind Patton. Emile, Janus and Remy all huddled together, Emile and Janus with worried looks on their faces.

“I’m o-okay, guys. Don’t w-worry.”

“Don’t worry? What was that, what happened?!” Logan flapped their arms around, something they would do when they got passionate.

“It was j-just a flashback, I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry for yelling, kiddo. I didn’t mean to trigger you, I just… hearing you defend Thomas like that, even after everything he did to you… I know you still care about him. Heck, I barely knew him. But… he just… he hurt you, that’s something I can never forgive.”

“I know, Patt. I shouldn’t care about him as much as I do, I shouldn’t defend him. But… part of me still remembers all the good parts of our relationship. Sure, even during the good times he was manipulating me. But… I dunno… It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid, Roman. You looked up to him, you loved him, you thought he was a good person. You just couldn’t believe he’d really do those things to you. So you blame yourself to come up with a reason, to validate that he’s still a good person. When he’s not.” Logan was the one who spoke up now.

“Thanks, Lo, that means a lot. Anyway, can we stop talking about this and do something else. Like, I dunno, watch a movie, or something?’

“Sure! Let’s have a disney marathon, Ro!” Roman laughs and nods, getting up from where he had crumpled to the floor at some point. He didn’t know when, though. Him and Patton began to head to the lounge.

“Come on guys, me and Patt can’t have a disney marathon alone!” The others laughed and followed after the excited Roman. Though they were shocked at how quick he had recovered (He hadn’t, he was acting, he was good at that).

That’s when Roman feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He’s shocked at what he sees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know I started this and Roman was cis, but like I have a plot idea do you want me to keep him cis or nah?


	7. The past comes back to bite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas, need I say more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Use of slurs (slut), non-con touching.

T: You thought you could get away from me?

Hadn’t he blocked him? He swore he had blocked him. Under the text was a photo of Roman and his siblings walking to Patton’s house. Which shook Roman to the core. He hadn’t seen Thomas, when had Thomas seen him. Did Thomas know where he was?

T: Still the same, I see, overthinking everything. People can practically hear your thoughts.

“Shit.” Roman gasps and his phone slips free from his hands, hitting the carpeted ground with a soft thud. Logan turns on their heel to face Roman. Seeming to be the only one who heard. They noticed that the boy had paled considerably, which worried them.

“Roman, are you alright?” Roman snaps out of his trance like state only for his mind to go haywire again. Should he tell the truth? Lie? God, but how would they even react if he told them what was going on? Would they go looking for Thomas?

“Yup! Just peachy, specs!” Logan quirks an eyebrow at the others' response, it’s not hard to tell that they're unconvinced by this. That they don’t believe him in even the slightest, like at all.

“Are you sure? You do not have to lie to me.”

“Not lying, Logan. I’m great, I promise.” Logan nods slowly and they both continue the walk to the lounge. Roman plonks himself on the couch beside Patton, Logan sitting beside him, Virgil on Patton’s other side, Janus, Remy and Emile all a cuddle pile on the floor.

Roman’s phone goes off again. He sighs as he checks it, another text from Thomas, well that wasn’t surprising. He tenses noticeably though, enough for Logan to notice and get concerned.

“Roman? What’s going on?” Roman tenses, feeling his phone go off in his pocket again. Then there was a knock at the door, Roman instantly shot off the couch and answered the door. He sees Thomas standing there, he pales and his eyes go wide.

Then there are arms around his waist and he begins to panic. He thrashes and moves around, but he isn’t let go. “Awe, look at my pretty little slut~” Then Patton is running over.

“Get your hands off of him, Thomas!” Thomas chuckles darkly and pulls the crying Roman closer. Roman is silently crying in his rapist's arms.

“Awe, look at the weakling, what are you gonna do about it?” Patton growls lowly, and then Thomas is kissing Roman and his hand is trailing up Roman’s shirt. Patton rammed his shoulder against Thomas and the other stumbled backwards. Roman crumpled to the floor when he was let go.

Virgil ran to his side quickly. “Roman!” Thomas scoffed and rolled his eyes, shoving Patton backwards and taking a step inside. He was towering over Roman, who was standing now. Roman had always been short, though. Strong, but short.

“Awe~ So precious, brotherly love~” THomas chuckled, before dropping his smile and going cold. “Now hand him the fuck over.” Virgil scowled.

“You aren’t even allowed in the same room as him!” Thomas rolled his eyes.

“And what’re you gonna do about it? Call the police? Pssh, like that’ll work. I think you of all people know, my parents would just bail me out.”

“Thomas. Get the fuck away from him and get the fuck out of my house, before I fucking make you.” It was Logan who spoke now, seeing someone they considered a friend do… this. It pissed them off.

“Make me? How exactly are you going to do that? If you can’t protect yourself, you certainly can’t protect him.” Thomas was walking forward, by the time he finished speaking he was right in front of Roman. He scooped the other up in his arms, Roman was thrashing around.

“Move and I fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk. Don’t fucking test me, slut.” Roman went still, cuddling up to Thomas a little. Force of habit. “Awe~ Such a cute little baby~”

And then Thomas was on the floor with Logan towering over him. Logan quickly grabbed Roman, who was having a flashback by now. Patton threw Thomas out the door before shutting and locking it. He knew it was safe as the windows were insanely hard to break.

Now Logan was focusing their attention on calming Roman down. “Hey, Ro. You’re safe here, Thomas is gone. It’s just me, Logan.”

After a while of speaking to Roman, he had calmed down at least enough to stop having a flashback and to actually speak. But what he said was truly shocking.

“That wasn’t the first time…” Roman let out a shaky breath beofre continuing his sentance. “He’s gonna come back.”


	8. The past comes back to bite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomasn, need I say more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Use of slurs (slut), non-con touching.

T: You thought you could get away from me?

Hadn’t he blocked him, he swore he had blocked him. Under the text was a photo of Roman and his siblings walking to Patton’s house. Which shook Roman to the core. He hadn’t seen Thomas, when had Thomas seen him. Did Thomas know where he was?

T: Still the same, I see, overthinking everything. People can practically hear your thoughts.

“Shit.” Roman gasps and his phone slips free from his hands, hitting the carpeted ground with a soft thud. Logan turns on their heel to face Roman. Seeming to be the only one who heard. They noticed that the boy had paled considerably, which worried them.

“Roman, are you alright?” Roman snaps out of his trance like state only for his mind to go haywire again. Should he tell the truth? Lie? God, but how would they even react if he told them what was going on. Would they go looking for Thomas?

“Yup! Just peachy, specs!” Logan quirks an eyebrow at the others' response, it’s not hard to tell that they're unconvinced by this. That they don’t believe him in even the slightest, like at all.

“Are you sure? You do not have to lie to me.”

“Not lying, Logan. I’m great, I promise.” Logan nods slowly and they both continue the walk to the lounge. Roman plonks himself on the couch beside Patton, Logan sitting beside him, Virgil on Patton’s other side, Janus, Remy and Emile all a cuddle pile on the floor.

Roman’s phone goes off again. He sighs as he checks it, another text from Thomas, well that wasn’t surprising. He tenses noticeably though, enough for Logan to notice and get concerned.

“Roman? What’s going on?” Roman tenses, feeling his phone go off in his pocket again. Then there was a knock at the door, Roman instantly shot off the couch and answered the door. He sees Thomas standing there, he pales and his eyes go wide.

Then there are arms around his waist and he begins to panic. He thrashes and moves around, but he isn’t let go. “Awe, look at my pretty little slut~” Then Patton is running over.

“Get your hands off of him, Thomas!” Thomas chuckles darkly and pulls the crying Roman closer. Roman is silently crying in his rapist's arms.

“Awe, look at the weakling, what are you gonna do about it?” Patton growls lowly, and then Thomas is kissing Roman and his hand is trailing up Roman’s shirt. Patton rammed his shoulder against Thomas and the other stumbled backwards. Roman crumpled to the floor when he was let go.

Virgil ran to his side quickly. “Roman!” Thomas scoffed and rolled his eyes, shoving Patton backwards and taking a step inside. He was towering over Roman, who was standing now. Roman had always been short, though. Strong, but short.

“Awe~ So precious, brotherly love~” THomas chuckled, before dropping his smile and going cold. “Now hand him the fuck over.” Virgil scowled.

“You aren’t even allowed in the same room as him!” Thomas rolled his eyes.

“And what’re you gonna do about it? Call the police? Pssh, like that’ll work. I think you of all people know ,my parents would just bail me out.”

“Thomas. Get the fuck away from him and get the fuck out of my house, before I fucking make you.” It was Logan who spoke now, seeing someone they considered a friend do… this. It pissed them off.

“Make me? How exactly are you going to do that? If you can’t protect yourself, you certainly can’t protect him.” Thomas was walking forward, by the time he finished speaking he was right in front of Roman. He scooped the other up in his arms, Roman was thrashing around.

“Move and I fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk. Don’t fucking test me, slut.” Roman went still, cuddling up to Thomas a little. Force of habit. “Awe~ Such a cute little baby~”

And then Thomas was on the floor with Logan towering over him. Logan quickly grabbed Roman, who was having a flashback by now. Patton threw Thomas out the door before shutting and locking it. He knew it was safe as the windows were insanely hard to break.

Now Logan was focusing their attention on calming Roman down. “Hey, Ro. You’re safe here, Thomas is gone. It’s just me, Logan.”

After a while of speaking to Roman, he had calmed down at least enough to stop having a flashback and to actually speak. But what he said was truly shocking.

“That wasn’t the first time…” Roman let out a shaky breath beofre continuing his sentance. “He’s gonna come back.”


	9. Floating on cloud nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman had been floating on cloud nine... until...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being gone so long! Personal stuff and writers block have been kicking my ass lately. Also I have another story out so if anyone of you want to read it that would be greatly appreciated! Sorry It's short and pretty rushed I'm posting this and then going to sleep and I really wanted this posted today.

Roman had snuck the letter into Logan’s locker that day at school and wasn’t expecting Virgil to slip him a letter during a class they had together. He read it instantly.

‘My Dearest Lion.

Hello. You are correct, because you did not tell me your name or give me many hints as to who you are. Though you must know Virgil as you know his last name and that’s not information he gives people unless he trusts them a lot. You also know my last name which leads me to believe that you know my brother. But yes, that means that I can’t tell you if I reciprocate the feelings you harbour for me. Which I hope does not dishearten you, but you did come into this knowing I can’t tell you if I feel the same so I assume you were not that disheartened. Though I highly doubt the things people say about you are true, you might be gay, sure. But I highly doubt you are a slut whether people say you are or not. If they do then they are people whose opinion does not matter. People who cannot be kind because they have too many insecurities. Fairy tale endings, whilst tooth rottingly cute and unrealistic, can be pretty enjoyable. You seem to have a very positive outlook on life. Which is not very common for people our age but still common enough. I would love to be your friend and to get to know more about you. You seem like a very nice person. I am shocked Virgil tells a lot about me even though we are relatively close friends. I would love to talk to you in person when I get that chance, when you trust me enough for that. As you can probably tell I did not figure out who you are but even if I did I would not approach you as that was something that you stated made you uncomfortable. I did not take any offence and according to Virgil you are correct. I did not ask Virgil who you are because you did not want me to. I hope we continue to talk through letters in the future. I have also run out of space so I guess this is goodbye, for now.

Your dearest, owl.’

Roman hadn’t been expecting that. He didn’t know what he was expecting but it most certainly wasn’t that. But It made him so happy for the rest of the day. The minute he got to his lunch table he started rambling, ignoring the eyes on him or the people listening. People catcalling and whistling.

He was currently wearing a skirt with stockings and a hoodie, as he was starting to gain a little confidence back but not fully. The skirt went down to his knees to keep him pretty covered. Yet people still catcalled him and called out. But he ignored them and the people calling him names like ‘slut’ or ‘whore’.

“Oh my god oh my god! Logan wrote a letter back to me and they said yes to being friends and we have nicknames for each other!” Patton let out a small giggle and nudged his friend.

“You’re really head over heels for ‘em, huh, Roy?” Roman nodded quickly, love shining in his eyes as he looked up at Patton.  
  
“Yes! They’re just so perfect and gorgeous and just everything is so amazing and I love them so much!” He squealed, which made more people look at him so he shrunk into himself. He hated the excessive amount of eyes on him. He hated it so much.

“Hey, Ro… Ignore them, they don’t matter. Just keep talking about, Lo, okay?” Roman nodded, resting his head on his arms which were crossed on the table right now. He had tears in his eyes but he tried to hide it as best as he could.

No, he couldn’t look weak. Not in front of all those people.They’d just judge him even more than they already were. He didn’t need that. “I really do love them, Patt… I love them so freaking much… I wish I could tell them who I am but I don’t think I’m ready for that yet… they’ll hate me when they find out I like them…”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile Logan had sat himself at the lunch table with Virgil. No one bothered them, too worried about the boy they never stopped spreading rumours about. “Virge… I feel so bad for wanting to disrespect lions privacy… But I wish I knew who they are… What if it’s Roman?!”

Virgil laughed a little. “God you’re head of heels for my brother. I can’t tell you, I’m sorry. Lion isn’t ready for that, they’re scared you might hate them if you find out. I know you wouldn’t, but still.” 

Logan nodded in understanding. They rested their head down on the table, they really wanted to know who this Lion person was but they wouldn’t disrespect someone if they didn’t want to have that information out. They wouldn’t hurt someone like that.

They let out a soft sigh. God they really were so in love with Roman, they wished they could get the confidence to just confess to him. Of course they never would, they knew that. Plus they didn’t know what Roman’s trauma would do if he did wish to enter a relationship.

Or what Thomas would do. They really didn’t want Roman to get hurt again, he’d already been through enough pain and trauma. Logan didn’t want to be the cause of more trauma. They had a lovesick smile plastered on their face as they stared at the table.

They pulled loose ends off of their shirt, fiddling with them with a smile. God they really were so sickeningly in love with Roman and they had a blush covering their face. Virgil was smirking at him but he tried to ignore it.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roman had continued to ramble, starting to flap his arms around with a smile. It was a habit he had, a habit he had always had. Which made more sense when he had been diagnosed with ADHD.  
  


He smiled as he talked and it wasn’t hard to tell he was in love but people were talking as they overheard the conversation. Which did very much upset him but he just tried to ignore it, biting his lip hard as some kind of distraction.

He tried to act like he wasn’t good at that, pretend it didn’t upset him. He was good at that, he was good at pretending. He was good at acting, he found out when he joined the schools drama club. Even though his father would shun him and call him slurs for it.

But he really didn’t care about his father's opinions, especially since he no longer lived with his father so that really didn’t matter all too much to him. But he had also gotten good at pretending around his father when his father was mad.

So the others thought he wasn’t bothered. Except Patton, Patton knew him better than that. Patton knew when he was faking it. “Roman… If what they’re saying bothers you you can always take a break and go to the bathroom.” Roman nodded a little bit at that. So that’s when he stood from his seat and left to go to the bathroom

Roman really had been floating on cloud nine, truly he had been. But that was until...

**Author's Note:**

> Do you guys like the title love letters? I ended it here because uh dinner doesn’t go so well- I made a lot of the characters asexual because i’m asexual so I’m lowkey just venting through them uh yeah- please don’t be mad lmao- Also just so you know, Janus, Emile and Remy are 17, everyone else is 16. Also yes eventually Janus and Remus start a relationship, but it’s more of a platonic and sexual thing rather than all the romance that Jan gets from the other two. They still call each other ‘boyfriends’ and stuff, and use pet names. But, they don’t kiss as much or do all the romance dates and stuff. They more cuddle and do the more sexual stuff than anything. And yes Emile and Remy agreed to this (asking as Janus didn’t hurt Remus) so yes it’s okay.


End file.
